The Blackmail of the Pilot
by InfernalHalo
Summary: Yuffie gets some dirt on her favorite drunken, swearing pilot.


Out of the few things Godo Kisaragi taught his daughter, he taught her early on that a little blackmail can always come in handy. It something Yuffie never forgot, so it was no surprise she had dirty little secrets on nearly everyone from Edge to Wutai. Even her friends had some files on them. For instance Yuffie knew Barret slept with a blue and white teddy bear that he named Jingles, that Tifa stuffed her bra and that Reeve still practiced his spying tactics by watching in on Tifa while she sleep. "That's pretty creepy Reeve." She said to herself.

She also knew Vincent had a great fondness for pastries with sprinkles and Red was terrified of mice. But by far her favorite secret was that Cloud aka Chocobo head crept into Tifa's closet and tried on her clothes while she was away. One day Yuffie wrote on Cloud's door Cloud and Cloudette's room. No one seemed to get the joke but of course, Cloud who became terrified someone knew his secret. This fear stopped him from venturing into Tifa's closet for nearly two weeks but it did not last forever. In fact, Cloudette was probably in Tifa's empty room parading around in black pumps now.

Yes, if the time ever came, Yuffie could use all these against her friends. She was not exactly planning to ousting their dirty little secrets, it was just good to know that if she ever really wanted materia she could get it. She had something on everyone. Well...almost everyone.

Cid, the one person who's basically an open book yet she did not have one ounce of dirt on him. Mainly because when Cid became drunk he tended to blab about everything, even embarrassing stuff. It was no use trying to catch the old man doing secret acts, everyone knew Cid's life consisted of, drinking, smoking, more drinking, yelling, air crafts, smoking and telling Shera to make tea.

"A worthty foe." She then launched her rubber band only to have it hit Cid in the back of the head.

"Damn brat!" The pilot nearly choked on his morning coffee as he turned around to yell at the young ninja sprawled on his couch. "And get your &#&ing feet off my couch"

"Hmph. Don't want me to mess up your pretty lavender couch"

"For the eighteenth time Shera picked that fruity color out and"

"Good morning you two." A tall brunette with thick glasses descended down the stairs dressed in a light blue robe. Her hair still slick from her morning shower. "Bit chilly." She mumbled as grabbed Cid's coffee cup and began to wash it.

"Did I say I was through women?" The man asked irritably.

"No, but seeing as how it was empty and the fact that it's bad from your blood pressure I'd thought I would relieve you of it"

As Cid began to grumble on unintelligible curse words, Yuffie began to wonder if her idea to stop by the Highwind house was a mistake. After all, she easily could have ventured over to Red's home and pester the big red kitty, that would have been more interesting than being here. Her real motive for coming here was to finally gain some dirt on Cid but after three days it seemed to be a lost cause. "Shera I think I'm leaving now." The petite woman jumped and began to grab her things that were laying scattered about.

"Oh, so soon? Sure you don't want to stay longer. Maybe have some tea?" Shera always was so sickeningly sweet. But then again she'd have to be to put up with Cid.

"Shut the hell up Shera and let her leave. She's been free loading her for a whole damn week!" Cid interjected.

"Actually, it's only been three days smart ass." Yuffie countered. "Three long days." She then turned to Shera, "I don't know how you do it"

This earned a meek smile from the brunette. "Patience and love. Sure you wouldn't like anything before you go"

"I'm sure, thanks again SHERA"

"Anytime Yuffie. Oh- and Yuffie...Would you mind checking the mail for me. It's brisk outside and I'm still rather wet, I don't want to catch a cold"

Yuffie nodded in acknowledgement and stepped outside.

Hoping maybe to find a free credit card or even better, free materia in the mailbox, Yuffie skimmed through all eight, boring pieces of mail. As she was about to return inside she noticed something odd on the letter.

"Where is Shera?" Yuffie asked casually as she walked into the kitchen, holding the mail by her side.

"What the hell do I look like, her keeper?" Cid asked, like always, irritably as he flipped through the morning paper looking for the sports section.

"No her husband." The smile Yuffie was fighting to hold down finally found its way onto her porcelain face. "Cidney Lee is a beautiful name"

As soon as the words came out of her mouth Cid went white with horror then red with furry. In anger he snatched the letters from Yuffie's hand only to spill his latest cup of coffee. "Damn it Yuffie! You were supposed to go get the mail, not read it"

She shrugged innocently. "How could I help but to read such a poetic name as Cidney Lee Highwind?" If Yuffie had ever received a death glare from Cid, this was the ultimate mega ultra death glare.

"My parents wanted a girl." He scuffed as he began to clean up the mess he had made. Part of him wanting to explain his parent's reasoning for naming him such a ridiculous name. "But they got me. Hell my mum continued to dress me up in girly clothing till I was five." Ignoring Yuffie's fits of pig like laughter and exclaimation of "You and Cloud got alot alike!" , Cid asked in a very serious tone."You won't tell the guys will you"

Stopping her laughter only for moment Yuffie said, "Only if you are nice to me forever and give me all of your materia."

_So what did you think? _


End file.
